I had a dream last night that I was an outsider-type kid (like the book & film, The Outsiders) and these three guys took me out of my house and were trying to beat me up, so I stabbed them (with a knife I have in my real kitchen) and killed one of them. But this started a feud, and more came whom I also killed causing more to come after me. I knew that story would end with me being killed, so I changed it. I was being held by the police in a motel room, and all my enemies had gathered out front, so I snuck out the back and flew away (I had the ability to fly) toward South America.
Not long after I began my morning commute yesterday, I caught up with a car that was moving rather slowly. I immediately recognized who I was behind: it was our school librarian. I had driven behind her before and knew that she routinely drives 5-10 mph below the speed limit. Predictably, I became rather agitated, since I had left my house thinking that I would arrive at work a little early and have some extra time to get ready for the day, but now, I realized, I would most certainly be late. I knew there was no way around it because I knew there was no way around her. The road that comprises most of my commute is a curvy, two-laned road with a speed limit of 35 mph and no opportunities to pass slower cars. My instinct was toward frustration and anger, but then I realized something: This situation was completely out of my control. There was no way I could get around the slower moving car in front of me, so no matter how much I might grit my teeth and seethe over where I was, I was going to be late for work, and there was nothing I could do about it. So I accepted it, put some space between myself and the car in front of me, and decided to enjoy the beautiful morning that I might otherwise have completely missed—the sunshine (now that the sun rises that early in the morning again), the unseasonably warm weather, the green grass, the trees, the meadows, the music on my radio, and all the rest. The experience forced me to see something so obvious that it is almost a cliche to repeat: Too often I spend so much time and energy chafing against things over which I have no control and which I cannot do anything to change that I completely miss out on the good that surrounds me. I think the reason I have so much difficulty letting go of things over which I have no control, however, is that I refuse to accept that I have no control over them. If I’m not careful, in the back of my mind there will remain the often unverbalized (and, therefore, all the more powerful) belief that I can do something to change whatever it is I’m unhappy about and to make things the way I want them to be. Of course, I’m not saying that you can never do anything to make things better for yourself. Although you can’t always get what you really want, you can often make things better for yourself than they are. But sometimes the only way you can make things better for yourself is to accept that you have no control over whatever situation is bothering you. And its at those times that I’m going to try from now on to say to myself, “You can do nothing to change this. Move on, and enjoy the rest of your life.”
Director’s Commentary of the Day: And now: Werner Herzog shares his thoughts on the stupidity of chickens.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Eat it. Enjoy it while it lasts. Let it go.
I’m probably going to launch a new blog soon—one with a primarily theological focus—and I can’t help feeling very small as I contemplate commenting on such matters in a public forum. Why should anyone want to listen to me, and who am I to speak to the world anyway? I can only respond to those questions with silence. I suppose then that, if I am going to do it, the more relevant question is “Do I have anything worthwhile to say?” We shall see.
Here, finally, is a demo of “The Silver Age.” My vocal performance is not without imperfections, and the microphone picked up a bit of background noise. Also, until I find someone to play the violin part I wrote, the (somewhat cheesy) synth violin track I laid down will have to do. Still, this demo is good enough to convey what I had in mind when I wrote the song. Thanks to Rob Franks for recording this for me.
Is this what rock bottom looks like for a dog?
Here’s another song I’ve written recently. I don’t have a presentable recording of this one yet either, but it won’t require much instrumentation, so I’m hoping to have something soon that I can post. It’s called “The Silver Age”:
The silver age has found us wishing for the golden past
We were fools to ever dream that the good old days could last
Our present circumstances have got us in a cage
We can’t get out no matter how much we rage
In our silver age
I know the past is gone never to return
And perhaps we’re better for the lessons we have learned
But it’s a heavy price we’ve paid for the mistakes we’ve made
And we’re only losing ground in the civil wars we wage
In our silver age
But we still have each other no matter what we’ve lost
And I will stay by your side no matter what the cost
We’ll make our silver age shine like a mirror’s glass
All I need is you no matter what comes to pass
Together we can write a better history
Every day reveals another empty page
In our silver age
We’ll rule our silver age
